The Calgary Philharmonic Orchestra closed its season this week to warm reviews and a sustained standing ovation, a reception local arts critics described as razzle-dazzle and which the Government of Alberta has since described as a budgeting anomaly requiring review.

"When we program a finale, the goal is to send patrons home on a high note so they renew their subscriptions in the fall," explained the orchestra's executive director, adjusting a binder labelled CONTINGENCY. "We were thrilled by the standing ovation, and then immediately concerned about what it would cost us. In this province, visible joy is a line item that draws attention."

A spokesperson for the Ministry of Arts, Culture and Status of Women — a portfolio currently shared with three other ministries and a vacant chair — confirmed that the enthusiasm of the audience had been logged. "If an organization has the resources to deliver razzle, and on top of that dazzle, that suggests a degree of financial comfort," the spokesperson said. "Our analysts are asking whether the same emotional outcome could be achieved with a smaller ensemble, or possibly a recording, or possibly silence followed by a reminder that the deficit is the previous government's fault."

Insiders say the province has grown wary of any provincial institution that appears to be functioning. "The opera was fine until people enjoyed it," said one official, speaking on condition that we describe him as 'a senior source' to make him feel important. "A library is safe right up until somebody walks out smiling. Then it's on the list."

The orchestra has reportedly begun preparing for the audit by retroactively describing its triumphant brass section as 'an efficiency,' its timpani as 'a single multi-purpose drum,' and its final encore as 'an unplanned overrun we deeply regret.' Musicians have been instructed to look tired in the lobby.

"Next season we're considering ending on a slightly lower note," the executive director added. "Something that leaves people content but not conspicuous. We're thinking a nice solemn adagio. Maybe in a minor key. Something that says: we are grateful, we are humble, and we would appreciate it if no one in Edmonton noticed that we exist."