CALGARY — In what the province is calling its most ambitious land-stewardship initiative since approving the last open-pit coal application, Alberta officials this week celebrated the arrival of a full baseball infield onto the 16th hole of a Calgary golf course, hailing the move as proof the government takes the environment 'extremely seriously, especially when it is fun.'

The feature, known as The Ballpark on 16, transforms a single hole of an already heavily irrigated golf course into a heavily irrigated baseball-themed golf course, a distinction officials described as 'innovation.' The announcement came the same week the province declined to update its drought response, on the grounds that drought is a complicated topic and a baseball diamond is not.

'For years, critics have asked what this government is doing about water use on recreational turf,' said a spokesperson, standing on a stretch of recreational turf. 'Today I can confirm we are using that water to make a baseball shape. That is what we are doing about it. Next question.'

Environmental groups noted that maintaining tournament-grade grass through an Alberta summer requires roughly the annual water consumption of a small town, a figure the province said it had not looked at and would prefer to keep that way. 'A small town doesn't draw 30,000 spectators,' the spokesperson added, before clarifying that neither, technically, does the small town's water supply.

Officials stressed the project would fund children's charities, a detail they returned to whenever the words 'eastern slopes,' 'aquifer,' or 'where does the water come from' were spoken aloud. 'The kids,' the spokesperson said, raising both hands, 'love baseball. Do you want to be the person against the kids and the baseball? I didn't think so.'

Asked whether the government had any environmental policy that was not, on closer inspection, a sporting event, the spokesperson paused for several seconds. 'We have a pond,' he offered finally. 'It's near the ninth hole. It's very calming. We're thinking of putting a basketball court in it.'