EDMONTON — The Government of Alberta has confirmed it will gratefully accept the Canada Council for the Arts' $25 million investment in the province's cultural sector, provided that absolutely no one refers to it as money from Ottawa, the federal government, or anyone outside the borders of Alberta.

"There's real growth here," said a provincial spokesperson, reading from a Canada Council press release while carefully crossing out the words 'Canada Council.' "This is what happens when Alberta's entrepreneurial spirit attracts investment. We don't know where the $25 million came from, and frankly we've decided not to look into it."

The funding, which arts organizations described as transformative, was reframed within hours as evidence of the province's booming knowledge economy, its diversified revenue streams, and its ongoing campaign to be left alone by the very institutions currently funding it. Officials stressed that the grants would support painters, theatre companies, and Indigenous artists, before adding that this should in no way be interpreted as the federal government doing something useful.

"It's not a federal handout if you spend it on a mural of a pumpjack," explained one finance staffer, who requested anonymity because he was technically describing a real policy. "We've found that any dollar, regardless of origin, becomes an Alberta dollar the instant it touches our economy. It's basically alchemy. We're hoping to do the same thing with the equalization payments."

Arts groups, for their part, expressed cautious gratitude and an even more cautious refusal to issue any press release that might cause the province to notice the money and develop opinions about it. "We are thrilled to receive this funding from, uh, the general concept of generosity," said one gallery director, glancing nervously toward the legislature. "Please, nobody mention the word 'national.' We are so close."

At press time, the province had announced a bold new strategy to grow the local arts sector entirely through Alberta ingenuity, the first phase of which involves waiting by the mailbox for another cheque from Ontario.