EDMONTON — Albertans struggling with the cost of filling their tanks received the welcome news this week that the provincial government will soon decide whether to decide whether to suspend the provincial fuel tax, a development officials described as 'real, tangible momentum on the question of considering options.'

The 13-cent-per-litre levy, which the province has alternately suspended, partially reinstated, fully reinstated, and reintroduced at a sliding scale tied to a global oil price benchmark that nobody outside the Finance department can explain, is once again under review. A spokesperson confirmed the government is 'closely monitoring prices at the pump,' a phrase that has appeared in eleven separate press releases since 2022.

'We understand that affordability is the number one issue facing families,' said the Finance Minister, standing in front of a backdrop reading AFFORDABILITY IS OUR PRIORITY, which had been printed at taxpayer expense. 'That's exactly why we've struck a working group to evaluate the framework for a potential phased approach to a possible adjustment.'

Critics noted that the savings from a full suspension — roughly nine dollars per fill-up — would be entirely offset for most households by the time spent reading news articles about whether the suspension would happen. One Calgary commuter reported saving $6.50 at the pump and losing an estimated $40 in productivity refreshing the Global News homepage.

The government's sliding-scale formula, introduced to automatically lower the tax when oil prices fall, has so far triggered relief exactly often enough to be mentioned in a fundraising email and not one litre more. Internal documents suggest the threshold for activation was set at a per-barrel price last observed during a brief window in which most Albertans were asleep.

Albertans were assured the government takes the affordability crisis seriously enough to schedule a press conference about it. As of press time, the decision on the gas tax was expected 'this week,' a timeframe the province clarified could refer to this week, a future week, or the abstract concept of weeks generally.