Building on a Calgary police proposal to seize the vehicles of egregious speeders for 30 days, the Government of Alberta announced Thursday it will eliminate funding for high school driver's education programs entirely and replace them with what officials are calling a "hands-off, vehicle-off" learning model.

"For decades we paid certified instructors to sit in a passenger seat and explain the speed limit," said the Minister of Education, gesturing at a flow chart with no arrows on it. "It turns out you can deliver that exact same curriculum with a flatbed and a padlock, and the padlock doesn't have a pension."

Under the new framework, students will no longer receive classroom instruction on stopping distances, merging, or right-of-way. Instead, the province says, every Albertan will be enrolled in a province-wide course titled Consequences 10-20-30, in which the only graded assessment is whether your Civic is still in the driveway on Monday.

"We looked at the data, and a tow truck has a 100 per cent attendance rate," the Minister added. "No teacher can say that. No teacher can promise you'll remember the lesson. A seized vehicle, you remember for 30 days, minimum."

Asked how teenagers in rural communities — many of whom drive 40 minutes to reach the nearest school — would learn to operate a vehicle they are no longer taught to operate, the Minister said the government was "confident the free market of being stranded would sort that out." Pressed further, he confirmed the savings would be redirected toward a new $1.2 million logo for the seizure program.

The Alberta Teachers' Association noted that actual driver education has been shown to reduce collisions, while vehicle confiscation has been shown mainly to reduce vehicles. The Minister called this "exactly the kind of negative attitude" the new curriculum was designed to tow away.