Buoyed by the province's decision to advance a master passenger rail plan, the long-discussed Calgary-to-Banff line is now officially described by proponents as 'full steam ahead,' a phrase the Ministry of Education confirmed it has not been cleared to use about anything in its own portfolio.

The rail decision, hailed as 'the first domino' that finally got 'the ball rolling,' will eventually allow visitors to glide from Calgary to a national park in air-conditioned comfort. Asked whether a comparable first domino existed for the roughly 380 portable classrooms currently housing Alberta students, a transportation official said the dominoes for that file were 'still being sourced' and 'may be a different set.'

Supporters note that the train will connect the city to the mountains in under 90 minutes. By contrast, some students in fast-growing suburbs spend a similar amount of time on a bus reaching schools built for half their current enrolment, a journey the province has declined to call 'scenic' but has also declined to fix.

'You have to understand the sequencing,' explained a spokesperson, gesturing at a rendering of a glass-walled station. 'We have a master plan for the train, a master plan for the stations, and a master plan for the parking. The schools have a binder, and we feel binders are very close to plans.' The spokesperson added that a master plan for school construction was 'on the table,' though the table was reportedly being used for the rail model.

Tourism advocates praised the train as a generational investment, while teachers asked whether the word 'generational' could be applied to a generation of students learning fractions in a heated trailer. The province responded that the comparison was unfair, as the train is funded, approved, and exciting, whereas education is none of those things but is 'always a priority,' a status it shares with mental health, rural ambulances, and the word 'affordability.'

At press time, officials confirmed the Banff line could carry up to 3,000 passengers daily by 2031, a figure one trustee noted was 'remarkably close to the number of kids we'd love to fit inside an actual school.'